The couples that can’t stop touching each other are commonplace. It’s typically a dead giveaway that the couple is brand new, a new infatuation being relentlessly explored, whether they’re making out on a metro train or going all googly-eyed at a pub. Nevertheless, occasionally you’ll see a different kind of pair. one who has obviously accumulated some experience. two individuals who have evolved alongside one another. It could be the elderly pair who is locking arms in the grocery store or the middle-aged couple who is still staring into each other’s eyes at supper. They have experienced both good and terrible, as well as the personalized night guard, but they are still deeply in love.
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For those of us who haven’t been in a relationship for more than ten years (or maybe even ten months), seeing long-term partners in the wild is like seeing a yeti and a bigfoot holding hands. What is their method? What do they know that we don’t?!
The majority of us are familiar with the romantic rush of trying something new. So what occurs when something is no longer new? then get older? Of course, for some people, that level of dedication can be intolerable. Moreover, some couples shouldn’t remain together. But if you’d be willing to part with your favorite single-serve coffee maker or even your side of the bed to learn how to maintain a relationship that has lasted more than two decades, we have some advice from individuals who have really done it.
With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, Ghananewsaid.net talked to people in long-term relationships that have lasted 20 to 64 years on what it takes to keep the flames lit. Here is their relationship advice for keeping the love—and lust—last, whether you’re already happily married or just looking for some future-focused motivation.
- Have an open mentality towards your sexual life.
I’ve learnt over the past 22 years to always be truthful, but never hurtful, and to continually trying new sexual things. GGG, which stands for good, giving, and game, is our guiding principle. This means that you should make an effort to be excellent in bed, give each other equal attention and pleasure, and be game for anything—within reason. You never know what you might like if you don’t give it a shot. What I thought was hot when we first got married when I was 25 isn’t always what I think is attractive now. The most intense orgasms I’ve ever experienced were in my 40s thanks to my husband’s extensive research into various sexual approaches.
We must also agree to never, ever disparage each other’s physical appearance. My boyfriend hasn’t ever made me feel self-conscious about my figure in our 22 years together. He has instead made me feel honored. Because I am confident that all he sees is a dope women who will be his life partner, I feel at ease enough with him to do anything. —Toby, 22 years together
2) Make time simply for the two of you.
Teenage male twins that I have with my hubby. While our lives are equally as busy as theirs are, my husband and I make an effort to spend time together, just the two of us. It doesn’t need to be an extravagantly expensive date night. The majority of the time, it involves going for a stroll on a Sunday morning, visiting the farmers market, or treating simple errands like a date. The importance of taking the time to connect with one another in the chaos of daily life cannot be overstated. 20 years together, Jill
3) Discover each other’s morals
We’ve come to understand and respect each other’s “love language.” We discuss our values and the things that make us feel loved. Big, impressive motions can be amazing, but after some time, they become mere gestures. The smallest acts of affection can occasionally feel the most intimate. We hold hands while watching TV because I value touch; it’s a small gesture, but it never goes unnoticed. I make sure to tell my spouse “I love you” every day since I know how much he values words. The tiniest efforts frequently yield the greatest results. —Christopher, after 22 years of dating
4) Strive to avoid letting conflicts escalate into yelling bouts.
Recently, a close friend who is going through the divorce process revealed that her husband refused to address their rage problems and claimed that “yelling is natural.” When I informed her that my wife and I haven’t yelled at each other in close to 24 years, she almost lost her mind. We disagree, we dispute, but we’ve never yelled at each other or spoken ill of each other. It is the foundation of our ties and our strength. As the years pass, passion, sex, date nights, fun times, and happiness all experience waxing and waning. But upholding that basis of respect and trust is what keeps us steadfast, related, and in love. —Dawn, 24 years of marriage
5) Calendar regular sexual encounters.
We advise scheduling regular intimate or sexual dates. When the moment comes, it’s okay if one of you isn’t interested in participating. Spend the time engaging in other ways to enjoy each other’s company. Perhaps conversing results in cuddling. Sometimes cuddling is all you require. Sometimes cuddling develops into something else.
Moreover, lubricant is key, as a lady in her 60s who first experienced menopause in her late 50s. A tiny amount of estradiol, a type of hormone replacement medication, has the same effect. Never be reluctant to speak to your doctor if having sex becomes uncomfortable, regardless of your age. —Lynn, 31 years of marriage
6) Develop your friendships while assigning domestic duties
My spouse and I were first friends, and we still make time for it. Since we were 20 years old, we have continued to enjoy doing activities together, such as attending punk concerts. As we’ve become older, we haven’t forgotten about the pursuits and passions that, apart from our families and other obligations, make up a significant portion of who we are.
And while we’re on the subject of duties, delegate! If you’re privileged enough to do so, be open and honest about what you want to do in a relationship (and what you don’t). Then, if necessary, outsource the rest. My husband enjoys cooking, and I enjoy handling money. As neither of us is skilled in home maintenance, TaskRabbit is a godsend. Building a system around your strengths and weaknesses will prevent Sunday morning arguments over who gets to clean the bathroom. After 24 years of dating, Lauren
7) Discover ways to show each other that you care.
Our marriage has lasted almost 50 years. It has been crucial that we have consistently expressed our affection for one another at that period. My hubby frequently tells me how much he loves me and how lovely I am. As we go into bed at night, I feel most at ease delivering hugs. These intimate moments of embrace, in my opinion, speak volumes about our continued love for one another and how significant this person is to me. —Mona, 50 years of marriage
8) Understand that deciding to love is like working out a muscle that only grows stronger with time.
Constantly make the decision to select your partner, flaws and all. On occasion, it may seem like work. Yet, making that choice can help you appreciate all the wonderful aspects of your relationship and prevent you from taking each other for granted, especially when you’re angry or dissatisfied. At first, my wife and I made this decision consciously every day. But as of late, it’s simply the way we live—in a fantastic groove that makes the decision simple. We are conscious of the simple acts of affection and memorable moments that make a life together special because we have both made the decision to select ourselves.
Increasing the positive moments automatically reduces irritation, rage, and resentment. A happy, upbeat attitude merely becomes the norm. Andrew, after 20 years of dating
9) Do what you want without fear, and let your spouse do what they want.
We have always appreciated one other as unique people, my hubby and I. Our acquaintances and interests don’t always overlap. Yet when we get back together, we talk about those experiences. We can learn from it, and it keeps things interesting in our partnership. I want to spend time with him because I don’t always spend my time with him.
I understand that whatever I ask him to do, he will probably do it differently than I would—and that is okay—when it comes to managing the day-to-day duties of maintaining a household. Micromanagement is not appealing. Kelly, 30 years of dating
10) Learn to be adaptable and recognize when to take the lead.
Improvisation is the first skill you pick up when you marry a jazz musician. Indeed, it’s a terrific way to spend your life. There are many ups and downs in relationships. My husband took on a lot in the months leading up to our family’s transfer from South Africa to America, including a lot of planning and organizing. He struck his head with his hand as soon as the six of us stepped foot on American territory and exclaimed, “What have I done?” I took control at that point. You have to know when to switch roles in a partnership. You need to be sensitive enough to recognize your partner’s requirements. Weak moments are a natural aspect of being human. Sometimes you have to intervene after recognizing another person’s suffering.- Sybil, 64 years together
11) Be sure you agree on the important issues, and the minor differences won’t be as significant.
He liked classical music when I first met him, and so do I. I, on the other hand, listened to Janis Joplin, The Doors, and Led Zeppelin. He enjoyed reading; I enjoyed painting. I was a native of California; he was born on the East Coast. He was intelligent, compassionate, and he liked being around my family. The more time we spent together, the more we came to understand that our underlying values—which range greatly from our tastes and preferences—were similar. The qualities of character that matter and the convictions that direct your behaviors, actions, and decisions are your core values. We both placed a high emphasis on virtues like integrity, honesty, spirituality, and hard work. I think what has sustained our marriage through the ups and downs is that we both share these fundamental principles. He is my soulmate, my love, and my greatest friend. And I would repeat the process. – Linda, 47 years together
12) Be each other’s staunchest ally.
I believe one of the key components was that we were first friends. Since we’ve worked together since 1995, we’ve had the opportunity to grow up together, and we always want to support each other’s interests outside of work. Being ‘yeah’ for each other is what we call it. —Maitejosune, together for 27 years.
13) Recognize when it’s appropriate to stay furious in bed.
Music is what links us. It brings back countless recollections of our shared emotions over the years, including love, youth, carefreeness, friendship, thankfulness, joy, and despair. When our own words falter, the lyrics of the songs take our place as our voice because of how deeply we feel about each other.
Others often advise us to “don’t go to bed furious,” yet it is ineffective for us. Sometimes all we need is some time to sort things out, so please respect any space we may need. I recall a time when we struggled to move over a disagreement for a few days. I had trouble breathing. And as soon as the car began, my husband had programmed our favorite Jefferson Airplane song to play, “Oh, you’re my best friend. / And I love you so well. / I follow you wherever time will lead me,” so as I got in, I turned on the music.Forever I’ll be one with you. / One with you.’ And our love story began again.” —Roleen, 50 years together
14) Recognize that communication is, in fact, essential.
All of these elements—weekly date evenings, holding hands, romantic getaways, elegant dinners, and a kiss before bed every night—are things we’ve been told we need to do to keep love alive throughout our lives. I’m not denying that they could be crucial components of keeping a bond. Simply put, unless they mean a lot, they actually don’t mean anything. Because communication is the only way to find out what is most important to you or your relationship. We have a successful 21-year marriage because we communicate well with one another. Very immediately, I realized that my husband is not a mind reading.
We’ve found that respectful dialogue is effective. That is the source of everything. We aim to be open-minded and understanding while encouraging one another and listening to each other. It has established a secure environment where we may exchange the things we need from one another in order to advance. — Sarah, 24 years of marriage
15) Think about couples therapy
Couples therapy is our secret; it’s not sexy. However, many of us don’t have the tools necessary for effective communication, and without them, we may experience feelings of underappreciation, unlove, or resentment, all of which are very off-putting. There are certain conditions where love and attraction cannot flourish. What makes love last is being able to express our wants to our partners effectively, and therapy can assist with that.” 20 years of marriage this April for Kim.